6 MAJOR EVENTS OF SWANS CROSSING

Mila's Birthday - The Baseball Game - The Slumber Party - The Nudibranch Benefit - Sydney and Mila Comedy Scene - The Kidnapping - The Rescue

THE RESCUE OF MILA ROSNOVSKY
AND THE LOCATION OF SWANS CROSSING

EPISODES 5 and 6 Above is the sequence showing the rescue of Mila after she falls in the water when the towers collapse on the pier at the Swans Crossing July 4 celebration. Several things stand out about this. First, it is about 30 seconds from the time Mila goes in the water until anyone jumps in to save her, although many saw her fall in. Second, only males jump in to rescue her, and only young males at that. No adults. Third, none of these young males, although they waited about 30 seconds, used that time to kick off their shoes or remove their shirts, either of which would have made swimming a bit easier. Now, I cut out Sydney's long flashback sequence to shorten this a bit in an attempt to convey real time. From the time Mila goes under until she is brought to the surface is about six minutes and thirty seconds, and that is an awfully long time to be without air. Coach Gromme, one of the folks who did not jump in, said that there was hope for her survival because of the cool water. It was July 4. As I write this, it is July 31. The water temperature off Newport, RI today is 68.9 F. Off Fall River, MA, it is 76.3 F. Off Eastport, ME it is 53.8 F. This may be an indicator that Swans Crossing is in Maine.

Baldies locate Swans Crossing on a computer The Baldies' map (on the screen of their fabulously advanced computer)
seems to indicate the vicinity of Providence, RI as the location of Swans Crossing.

The rescue of Mila Rosnovsky seems to indicate a more northerly location.

Professor Vann's address

The computer the Baldies are using is an IBM PS/2 Model 50, which came out in 1987. It was a PS/2, which had the Intel 80286 processor (12.5 Mhz - 16 bit). The PS/2 introduced the Micro Channel bus, VGA graphics and the 3.5" floppy disk.

Professor Vann's zipcode Part of an envelope sent to Professor Vann, the personna used by Neil and J.T. to disguise their scientific activities, is shown in the show. Note the zip code (which I have enlarged). The zip code shown is a New York City zip. The name Professor Vann was derived from one Stevie Vann, a classmate of Neil and J.T. in the third grade who thought he was smarter than J.T. and hence was dubbed "professor".

MILA'S BIRTHDAY PARTY (two parts)

EPISODES 10 and 11 The Countess remembers Mila's birthday incorrectly and has a surprise party for her some three months too early. She concocts the most embarrassing video invitation possible (featuring Tutu the cocatoo) and sends it to all of Mila's friends. The party is held at Swans Soda Shop. Everyone but the Countess is miserable until J.T. and Neil rig the rotating birthday cake to spin at too high a speed, spraying everyone with icing and cake. After that, the crowd loosens up a bit.

BASEBALL GAME

EPISODE 15 Apparently the 'big game against Newport' is a regular season game as there is an indication that playoffs are yet to come. T.J. and Garrett competed to be the starting pitcher. Garrett won. We discover that Sasha can't field, but can hit if he pays attention. We also discover (surprise!) that Garrett is not much of a team player. He ensures the win by refusing to allow the catcher to take the throw nailing the runner at home and preventing the tying run from scoring. This gets him in a bit of trouble with Coach Gromme.

More importantly, though, if Garrett won the game, Sydney was supposed to come out as his girlfriend and walk off the field arm in arm with him. She did not, and this incident drives the plot of the show for a while.

The umpire is played by Jim Donnelly. The Swans defensively are:
Owen Fowler - Catcher
Saja DeCastro - 3rd Base (backup for Jimmy Clayton)
Neil Atwater - Shortstop
Garrett Booth - Starting Pitcher (and team captain)
Jared Crosby - 2nd Base
Adam Handell - Right Field
C.B. Brown - Center Field
J.T. Adams - Left Field (throws left-handed)
The First Baseman is unknown.

Some of the Newport players are:
Pitcher - Beau Milo (coach/captain)
Paul Doyle - Center Field
Gary Collins - Shortstop
Don Micale - Right Field
Moe Milo - 1st Base
Rob Neighbors - 2nd Base
Jackie Neighbors - Catcher

MILA'S SLUMBER PARTY (three parts)

EPISODES 20 and 21 The slumber party is also thrown by the Countess. It is revealed that the Countess does not know what a 'smore is (even though she grew up in Swans Crossing before marrying the Count). Somehow she thinks caviar is involved. Apparently there is some sort of local tradition requiring the boys to crash the slumber party. Sydney, who is ticked off at Garrett because, after she failed to accompany him off the field after the big game, he paired off with Mila at the Soda Shop. (Sounds a bit like an Archie comic book here.) After the boys had been there a while, Sydney tips everyone but Garrett that the cops have been called. Officer Moore busts Garrett, which gets him grounded by his father and suspended by Coach Gromme for four weeks.

THE KIDNAPPING OF GLORY BOOTH
(2 parts)

WARNING: lots of snakes

EPISODE 41 through EPISODE 43 The baldies, in their hunt for the non-existent Professor Vann, become convinced that there is vital information in a book of poems written by J.T. and given to Glory by Neil (in an osteensible attempt to help patch things up between J.T. and Glory). They kidnap Glory, put her in a laundry sack, and take her to what appears to be an abandoned sewer on the old Walker Estate. There they bind her and threaten her with snakes.

She is ultimately rescued by Barek (or so we are led to believe). Question is: why did he inform the FBI of her disappearance and then not tell them where she was? Instead he opted for a personal rescue. For some reason Barek kills one of the snakes by cutting off its head. I see no justification for this. The snakes never bite anyone and seem quite docile. Barek puts glory on the ground nearby to where she was held and covers her with a sheet. (He couldn't have brought a blanket?) Soon after that she is found by J.T. and Garrett, who have followed a trail of cotton balls to find her.

The cotton ball thing is a bit iffy. One of the baldies sustained an ear injury from exposure to loud music. (When J.T. and Neil found out they were being bugged, they played loud music into it.) After that, said Baldie kept cotton balls in his ears, and for some reason kept dropping them wherever he went.

It is a resonable assumption that Glory Booth was not very afraid of snakes, because when she was rescued she showed no signs of trauma. Neil did have an ulterior motive for giving her the book, as he hid encrypted data on UB2B in it. So the baldies were correct in their assumption, but amazingly enough, found out nothing from reading the book, or from harassing Glory.

The scenes in the above video are not contiguous. While this was happening, Neil was feeling guilty, T.J. was worried, Carrie and Jimmy were still trying to pin something on Barek, and Sydney and Garrett were being their normal self-absorbed selves. Mila was, at Sydney's urging, planning to tattoo her arm (temporarily) with a snake.

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR IN A COMEDY SCENE
WITH BRITTANY DANIEL

This is not an event in the context of the show, but I'm putting it here because it is a comedy scene involving Sarah Michelle Gellar. I have seen all of Gellar's films and almost all of her TV appearances. Until THE CRAZY ONES began in 2013, Gellar hadn't done another purely comedic scene, other than on SNL. Hence this is worth watching. Gellar does funny very well.

THE NUDIBRANCH BENEFIT

Synchronized swimmers were entertainment at nudibranch benefit This is the entirety of EPISODE 35 (without the credits). This benefit was thrown by Countess Rosnovsky in hopes of getting someting going with Captain Walker. The harpist is Simone Cunars. The synchronized swimmers came from Waterworks Foundation Inc. in New York.

Commonly called a sea-slug, the nudibranch is a soft-bodied, marine opisthobranch gastropod mollusk which sheds its shell after a larval stage. The name is latin for "naked gills". There are over 3,000 described species. They live at all ocean depths, but are most common in warm, shallow waters. The smallest are 20mm long. The largest are some 600mm long. They are carnivorous and hermaphroditic. It is interesting that the food served at the benefit consisted mainly of shellfish.

The nudibranch - subject of benefit thrown by Countess Rosnovsky Poster for nudibrnch benefit